


One with Marshmallowy Valentine Interior

by kronette



Category: Highlander: The Series
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-30
Updated: 2012-12-30
Packaged: 2017-11-22 22:41:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/615170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kronette/pseuds/kronette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are no words to describe this insanity. It's bizarre.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One with Marshmallowy Valentine Interior

**Author's Note:**

> Richel, Anne, and Sue are to blame for this. YES, YOU! Don't read while drinking anything. Originally posted in 1997 under my real name or possibly Shelley Wright.

Methos pulled back on the reins, hopping off his horse. He tore his cloak from his head, racing over to Kronos' tent.

"Kronos!" he bellowed, tossing the tent flap aside. He barely glanced to the woman with Kronos as he strode over to him.

"What is it now, Methos?" Kronos demanded, hitching his pants back up. The woman scampered away as quickly as she could, forgotten by the two men.

"Look at this!" Methos gestured to his face paint. "This is horrible! I refuse to let Caspian touch me again!:" He was breathing ragged, his mouth turned down in the slightest frown.

Kronos could see the tears forming behind his lover's eyes. With a patient sigh, he opened his arms, and Methos fell into his embrace, sobbing. "There, there love. Would it make you feel better if _I_ did it tomorrow?"

Methos sniffled, nodding his head. He pulled back from Kronos, wiping at his tears. "Would you really?" he asked, his eyes still shining with tears.

"I would do anything for you, love. Now, get cleaned up. I've had the slaves prepare your favorite mutton recipe tonight. Just for us."

Methos perked up, smiling as he dashed from the tent towards his own, making himself presentable for the evening meal.

~~~~

"This is wonderful," Methos praised his lover as he bit into one large thigh.

Kronos groaned, raising his head to kiss Methos' lips. "I'm glad you think so. Give me another piece," he asked.

Smiling, Methos dangled a hot piece of the mutton over Kronos' mouth, making his lover reach up for it. Kronos' teeth sank into the fleshy meat, and he chewed with vigor.

"Definitely one of Cassandra's best dishes. Maybe keeping her was a good idea after all."

"Maybe," Methos sighed, ripping another piece of meat from the bone. He chewed thoughtfully for a minute, then swallowed. "I think she was more trouble than she was worth, though."

Kronos bit the inside of his cheek, but tensed, and Methos sensed the change in his brother.

"Go ahead and say it," Methos sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Say what?" Kronos inquired innocently.

Methos glared down at Kronos, lying in his lap. "You're going to say, 'I told you so.' Go on, admit it."

Kronos sat up, a wounded expression on his face. "I would never say that to you, brother."

Methos felt his heart tug at Kronos' downtrodden expression, and quickly kissed his pouty mouth. "I know you wouldn't. But you were correct; she is too much. Maybe we should let her go."

"Kill her and then toss her to the desert? I like that idea," Kronos mused, finishing off a piece of fruit.

"Possibly. Maybe she could be good for something in the meantime though, brother." He smiled down at Kronos. "Remember how much trouble she caused? I think we should get our revenge first."

"Sounds like fun, brother." Kronos sat up, his eyes lit with anticipation. "Let's do it after the next raid!"

Methos tossed what was left of his mutton leg into the fire, his expression matching Kronos'. "Yes, lets!"

They both dissolved into giggles, falling into each other's arms as their laughter rose above the sounds of camp.

~~~~

"No." Cassandra refused, tugging back on Kronos' grip.

"Oh, I think you will, my pretty. Come on!" Kronos dragged her from the women's tent, her shrill voice screaming the entire way.

Kronos tossed her at the pile, then pointed. "You will scrub all those clothes clean, my dear."

"No," she spat defiantly.

"No?" Kronos repeated, his voice full of knowing. He reached out and pulled her jewelry off, breaking the pretty trinkets.

"Noo!" she wailed, reaching for his hand. He jerked back, out of her reach.

"No," Kronos reiterated firmly. "I was saving these for a friend until you showed up. Now, you will wash those clothes, woman!"

"But...but my hands! My nails!" she moaned, reaching for Kronos' pantsleg.

Kronos backed up, disgusted. "You will do that, or I will find much worse for you. Methos!" he called to his brother, who guided over two horses.

"Yes brother?" Methos asked calmly as he took his place beside Kronos.

Cassandra looked up at Methos, pleading. "Methos, please. Don't make me do this."

Methos sniffed. "Someone has to."

Cassandra wrinkled her nose. "I'd rather die."

"That can be arranged as well," Kronos reminded her. He then jerked his head toward the horses, who were carrying large bundles of furs. "You can do the wash, you can die...or you can scrub the horses down. They could use a good bath. It's your choice."

Cassandra again pleaded to Methos, who turned away, disgusted. With a sob, she turned and picked up a large shirt, from the smell of it, Silas'.

When both brothers were sure she wouldn't run away, they left her to the wash.

Methos started to giggle first. "Kronos, that was so bad!"

Kronos swept Methos into his arms, laughing. "And you like me that way, don't you?" he murmured, kissing his lover fiercely.

When he could breath again, Methos answered, "I do. Oh, I do."

Kronos carried Methos to his tent, where he set Methos down on the bed of furs. He caressed Methos' face, then cleared his throat. "I know Cassandra had these first, but I meant them for you. I hope you'll forgive me for not getting them to you sooner." Kronos held out his hand, his eyes wide with fear.

Methos took one look in his lover's eyes and melted. He reached out and gently took the baubles, noting the fine carvings on the bone. "These are lovely!"

"I thought you might like them. I got that one from the Egyptian caravan we came across last month." Kronos ducked his head. "I had to slay four men before getting to the women." Methos' hand under his chin lifted his head, and he looked up into Methos' tear-filled eyes.

"They are beautiful, brother," Methos whispered. "And that you fought to get them for me means even more. Would you put them on?" He turned around, pulling up his hair.

Kronos took the necklaces and tied them carefully around Methos' neck, then started kissing the back of his brother's neck. "I'd say the neck is more beautiful, brother."

The evening dissolved into a passion-filled night, their screams of ecstasy filling the camp.

~~~~

Methos wanted to find a way to repay Kronos for his thoughtful gift. On three next raids, he took special pains to search all the tents, but didn't find anything worthwhile. After the last raid ended in futility, he rode back to camp full of anger. Along the way, he spotted a small, woodland creature.

"Why, hello there. I think you'll do nicely." He dismounted and set a small trap to capture the animal. He waited for an hour, until the animal finally got hungry enough and was caught in the trap.

Smiling, Methos wrapped it carefully in a blanket and made his way quickly back to camp, rushing to his tent. Finding a deep bowl, he set the animal carefully inside, then placed a large cloth over it. He put rocks along the edges, to hold the top in place.

"That ought to hold you until I can tame you," he murmured, wondering who to trust with this secret. Taking off for the women's tent, he dragged Cassandra back to his tent, her protests filling camp.

"No! I will not do it!" she hissed, trying to claw at him.

Methos batted her hands away, unconcerned. "You do not even know what I ask of you yet."

"I do not care! I will not touch you!"

Methos sighed, tossing her to the floor. "I want you to watch this animal. Get it food and water. Is that so much to ask?"

Cassandra blinked up at him, mystified. "What?"

Methos grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled her over to the bowl. He dropped her, then reached inside, catching the animal with both hands. "This. Could you take care of him for me? Make sure he gets plenty of water?"

Cassandra stared at him in shock. "I...yes, I suppose..."

"Excellent." Methos put the animal back in the bowl, covering it snugly. "I'll make a cage for it soon. I want to tame it, and give it as a present." He grinned like an idiot in love, and Cassandra looked sick to her stomach.

~~~~~~

A month later. . .

Kronos threw aside Methos' tent cover, glaring around the interior. "Where is he?"

Methos looked up from Cassandra, who was spit-shining his wrist studs. "Who?"

"HIM," Kronos bellowed, tearing through the tent. Cassandra back up against Methos' thigh, hovering behind him, scared.

"Him, who? Kronos, are Silas or Caspian missing?" Methos suggested, truly puzzled over his brother's actions.

Kronos whirled to face his brother then, his expression one of intense rage. "Your lover! I've heard rumors from half the slaves that you're keeping another man in here!" His eyes grew wide as he stared at Cassandra clutching Methos' thigh. "Oh. No. Methos, please,  _no_..."

Methos stood up abruptly, a horrified expression on his face. "No! Not her. She means nothing to me! No, my dearest brother..." Methos closed the gap between them, holding Kronos close. "No, my brother. Let me show you."

Methos took Kronos' hand and pulled him to the dark corner of the tent. Smiling sadly, he began to explain, "Kronos, my beloved, I wanted to give you something special in return for these." He reached up and touched his necklaces, which he had not removed since Kronos had tied them around his neck. "I searched for the perfect gift, but it was not man-made that I finally chose." He turned and took the cloth off the cage, revealing the white-as-snow rabbit with black ears. "I named him Kronos, after you," Methos said softly.

Kronos felt tears wetting his cheeks as he reached into the crude cage and picked his namesake up. "You tamed him for me?" he asked, bewildered. The rabbit promptly bit Kronos, and he chuckled. "But enough spirit left in him! Thank you brother!"

Methos felt tears welling up in his own eyes at Kronos' happiness at his new pet. "Can't you thank a fellow better than that?" he asked softly, moving closer to Kronos.

Kronos stroked his new pet once more, then set him back in his cage. Turning to Methos with bright eyes, he murmured, "Oh, I can think of many ways to thank you, brother."

~~~~~

Two thousand years later...

The dagger made a soft, thudding sound as it entered Methos' heart. He choked, staring incredulously down at the hilt, then up into the one face he hadn't expected to see. "Kronos!"

"Yes my brother! I have returned to you. Miss me?" Kronos asked, a wild twinkle in his eye.

"Maddeningly," Methos whispered, sliding down the side of the car. "Love you, too," he breathed with his last dying breath.

Kronos sighed, smiling down at his lover. It was always nice to be missed.

The end


End file.
